~The esssence of existence is nothing more than a fleeting dream.Always there in front of our eyes,but also always just out of reach.

~My idea of the PURPOSE of Life is to continue the ongoing pursuit of the frail and superficial human mind to find reasoning and motives for and unreasonable and unmotivated beast.That beast of course being Life itself.This is our purpose because we cannot see or accept the fact that for everything we know,we still have true knowledge of so little.And because we are frail,any true knowledge we acquire soon becomes forbidden because it would blow what so many have worked on and built away like dust in the wind.

~LIFE is so amusing.If you're strong-willed all you attract are weak-spirited people.And the few strong people you meet fuck you over.*laughs*.I find it terribly funny.When you think you've found your place,your niche in life,you find out you couldn't be more wrong.Those who you wish to help tend to be beyond your help and soon become a nuisance and a bother to even speak with.When happiness is yours at last after years of looking, a ghost from the past comes back to haunt you.When you've been with someone for so long you'd expect them to understand you when you go through a life change,but for some reason they can't even fathom it.But what I find the most hillarious thing about life is how people devalue themselves because they aren't strong enough to put everything behind them.Guess not everyone can or is meant to be strong.Thus is Life.

~Now here's a fun subject,LOVE.So fickle it is.And tempermental too.No one's ever satisfied with just a little it's like the worst and most devastating drug known to man.Everybody wants more of it once they've had a taste.Some people can't even live without it.I will admit I have been in and out of love more times than I can account for.The reason for that however is difficult to find.Could I be the kind that always has to have it?And being the way I am,it's almost in constant supply,which I am slightly ashamed of.Or is it because it doesn't take much for me to give love,believing slightly in Buddhism it's in my nature to do so.Well to be compassionate is anyway.But I do know this:I know what love feels like,to be in love and to love.I was informally engaged once.*shakes head*That was something else.But as I believe Shakespeare said "`Tis better to love and have lost thant to never have loved at all" or was that Poe?

~HATE.My favorite emotion.So powerful.So empowering.Hate can give a person so much.Desire to surpass a rival,desire to keep living for revenge,desire to do better to prove someone wrong.Having experienced nearly everything Hate can give a person,I can say that the one thing that makes Hate so powerful and useful is its ability to show a person what they are truly capable of.There is someone who needless to say I don't really like.And Bishamonten only knows how much I hated him.I promised a lot of people I wouldn't do anything,wouldn't seek revenge,nor act as his karma.But I saw that motherf**ker about a week ago and I snapped.Confronted him and beat the living hell outta him. After it was all said and done I looked at what I had done and said to myself "Damn where the fuck did that come from?!"
My Hate tore me from sanity and drowned me in Rage for the first time in almost a year.I saw in his bloody,swollen and broken face what I was still capable of doing,and I must say it was satisfying.

~TRUTH.Something for everyone to relate to.Truth is only what one believes it is.It has no real meaning. It is forever distorted to the point that no one person's view of truth is the same as another's.Thus truth does not really exist.And if it does not really exist how is it that people justify things like their wars.Pointless watses of money and human life over such a fickle and unclear thing as truth.Do we even know what the truth really is anymore?Can we believe those who claim to know the truth.Granted I'm not perfect.And I'm far from knowing the truth.But I try to find it when and where I can.Perhaps that is the only truth in Life.That we will spend our lives searching for it but will never find it.

~TRUST.You are supposed to trust those close to you right?But what happnes when they act upon some foolish impulse and betray that trust?Are you obligated,as a friend, to forgive and forget?The decision all hinges on the severity of the breach of trust and their knowledge of the situation.Fuck being polite when they go so far and sink so low as to do something like date an ex of yours.Spare them not from you wrath.Trust is something that is to be earned,respected and upheld.When someone befouls your trust they are not worth a grain of salt.They deserve to rot in Hell for such trespasses.In the Ninth Circle of Hell no less.They should freeze for eternity in the frozen lake Cocytus with The Fallen One.

~PAIN.This is an invaluable asset to human life.But it hurts when you feel it.But in all honesty pain is that which shows us that we are alive, that we can still feel.There is a different pain for each person,unique as the one who suffers.Pain can be motivation as well.You're hurting from a bad relationship or a error in judgement.The mental pain is too much at times,how do you solve the problem?How do you not feel th pain anymore?You get over it.You're suffering from mental anguish, you want something but it's not for you, or you're torn between right and wrong in your own eyes.How do you cure the pain?You make a choice and never look back.Pain is also an excellent learning tool. You're hurt  by someone,say a girlfriend or boyfriend(whatever the case may be).You hurt so bad inside you can't seem to heal it on your own.You never feel whole again because of the decimation of your heart and soul. Needless to say when you finally recover fully,you'll never be around people who share a common trait or two with the former relationhsip.Physical pain is essential to life.It let's you know when something is wrong.If we all felt no pain how would we know we've broken something,or injured a major organ,or even just a minor injury that can lead to a fatal one if not treated immediately. And like all things in life it can be overcome with enough willpower and strength. The lesser forms of pain can be adapated to so they no longer are a bother while still having the ability to feel the versions of pain we need to. It's just a matter of proper mental and physical discipline.With the principles of Yin and Yang involved; if you felt no pain than you cannot feel pleasure either. Than you would never know what is good for you or bad,or what you enjoy or dislike.Besides the only real way to anesthesize yourself is to become nothing more than a shell,devoid of emotion.An existence that is more like a coma or Death than life.Which is a truly sad existence indeed.No one should live that way.

~RAGE.PURE AND UNTAINTED FUCKING RAGE!THE PUREST FORM OF STRENGTH.BLINDING ALL THROUGH ITS OVERWHELMING POWER.IN THE COURSE OF MY LIFE I HAVE EMBRACED RAGE MANY TIMES AND ENJOYED WHAT IT DOES TO ME.IT DESTROYS ALL THE MENTAL BARRIERS I'VE PUT UP TO PROTECT PEOPLE AROUND ME AND MYSELF AND I CAN TRULY BE MYSELF.WHO AM I REALLY YOU MAY ASK?I AM ONE OF THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE FUCKING BEINGS YOU'LL EVER MEET. I HAVE VERY LITTLE AND SHOW EVEN LESS REMORSE.I HAVE NO QUALMS OVER COMMITTING ACTS THAT BALANCE ON THE THIN LINE OF SANITY AND CRUELTY.THERE IS A JAPANESE PHRASE I USE TO DESCRIBE THIS UNFATHOMABLE RAGE "SATSUI NO HADOU" WHICH TRANSLATE ALMOST LITERALLY TO "SURGE OF MURDEROUS INTENT".I CRAVE DESTUCTION.I WANT TO DESTROY SOMEONE,NOT SOMETHING.I GAVE UP ON CONTROLLING THIS RAGE A LONG TIME AGO AND EMBRACED THE GIFT IT GIVES ME.IT SHATTERS THE GENTLE SHELL THAT YOU ALL SEE IN ME AND FROM THE RUBBLE THE FURY OF A BLOODTHIRSTY MADMAN ARISES TO LAY CLAIM TO ALL THE LIVES OF THOSE IN MY WAY.I TRY MY BEST TO HIDE THOSE I CARE ABOUT FROM ME WHEN I AM ENGULFED IN THIS FURY BECAUSE I CANNOT CONTROL IT. I SHOULD SEEK HELP THIS I KNOW. BUT,AS STATED BEFORE I ENJOY IT TOO MUCH AND WILL NOT ALLOW SOME FREUD LOOKING MUTHERFUCKER TELL ME WHAT I ALREADY KNOW AND TRY TO MAKE ME TAKE SOME PILLS OR GO THROUGH SOME BULLSHIT COUNSELING TOTAKE AWAY ONE OF MY GREATEST STRENGTHS.I CHOOSE TO LIVE WITH THIS RAGE. I CHOOSE TO LIVE WITH THIS ANGER. I CHOOSE TO LIVE WITH THE DEMON WITHIN ME.JUST BE SMART ENOUGH NOT TO PROVOKE ME WHEN THE RAGE TAKES CONTROL,'LEST YOU BE SWEPT AWAY IN ITS VORTEX.BECAUSE I WONT SHED A FUCKING TEAR WHEN YOU GET HURT.

~SOLITUDE.The state or quality of being alone or remote from others.Now this is a good one.In my life I have found I am at peace the most when in solitude.It gives me time to think a lot of things over. Things that plague your mind tend to work themselves out within your mind when you are alone.This is especially the case for me. My mind never has been nor will it ever be at rest.Friends and sometimes even family tell me that I think too much. To a degree I agree with them.But there are some people who just think more than others.For those people solitude is a gift and a blessing.Sadly this is not the case for me.Being the way I am, I am always around others, so having time to myself is a rare thing indeed.Because of this from time to time I zone out and enter my own little world.It has been referred to as my "being there but not really there." It is at these times I am so deep in thought that that for the period of time I am as such I am completely cut off from the world.Left by myself, innumberable thoughts assault my psyche until I come to or someone forcibly snaps me back to reality.But enough of that. Time to discuss.Solitude is also a state of loneliness. This is all well and good unless you don't want to be left alone.Sadly I have experienced this form of solitude most of all and for the larger part of my more crucial years of development. There are so few people who understand me and even fewer who even attempt to.This I know is exclusively my fault.I am not an easy person to get to know let alone understand.It pains me that this is the case.Of all things I desire in Life understanding is the greatest and most sought after. This is so because for all the people I have met and know in my life to this point I still feel alone.My family understands me better than anyone but that is because I grew up with them.They have watched my growth from the "chicken wing" to the  "asshole who takes shit from no one". But this is not what I yearn for. To be understood completely,for others to know who I am what I believe in and the kind of person I truly am.This is my seemingly unattainable goal. I had it once before. In a woman I sought to spend eternity with and a friend who I'd have gladly died for.This was however too good to be true.The wife that would have been couldn't grasp the innermost machinations of my being and the friend that was couldn't fathom the repercussions of his actions.Though I will always wish them the best it is devastating to know that not even those closest to you can understand you.

~SILENCE.The only pure thing in existence.It can only be when all else is still.The very instant this peace is disrupted silence ceases to be.Even a millionth of a decibel destroys it.The most absolute element of Life cannot exist where anything else does.But from this the greatest of feats is accomplished. Peace. Have you ever been ou in the country in the early morning hours and just stood there doing nothing?Just listening to the silence?It is in this unalterable purity that the greatest of feats can be accomplished. Within silence a mind can be free from distractions and experience revelations never before thought of. In silence I have written some of my best work, and created most of my best pieces of artwork.I is just so beautiful.I can sit in total silence for hours just comtemplating incalcuable ideas and concepts.Within this gift from the ethereal realm of existence I can be in a state of true peace.It is within this peace that I feel truly alive.It is said that if you can stand an awkard silence with someone you have found that someone with whom you could spend the rest of your life with.It is sad however that in this day and age that a silence like that can rarely be found in everyday life.